'Health food may be good for the conscience but Oreos taste a hell of a lot better.' – Robert Redford

To wheat or not to wheat? That's my question this weekend. I was intending on testing my reaction to wheat today. I had a whole wonderful wheat-concetrated menu planned: waffles for breakfast, then croissants for lunch, ending with quesadillas and naan bread for dinner. It was designed to give me exposure to wheat, but not yeast. Also they're all foods that I have been missing for the past six or so years that I've been gluten free.

The problem is I've chickened out. I've been feeling quite good this week. I think my current (slightly higher) dose of Sandomigran feels like it might be right. Given that, I don't want to wreck things by eating a bunch of food that might send me into a migrainous spiral again.

It's a question of balancing the possibility of future delicious food with the immediate (high) probability of a migraine.

'People grow through experience if they meet migraines honestly and courageously. This is how character is built.' – Eleanor Roosevelt

I haven't written on this blog for a while. This much is obvious from the dates of posts. I hadn't really thought about posting because this blog, like many other simple routines, went out of my head for the last month or so. I've been getting about two migraines a week and that, I think, has led to mild depression. One of those factors would limit my ability to write, but two has slowed word count  production right down, and I didn't even care. In fact, it didn't even register until about a week ago.

Now that the migraines are back to about once a week and things are looking up again, I'm back. I feel like I should tie up some loose ends from the past six months of this blog. Then I'll move on to new topics in the coming posts.

New Year's Resolutions:
Yoga/meditate – I have not got into the habit of doing it three times at week like I had planned. I manage about once a week, formally, then meditate informally whenever I can: on the tram, walking home, when it's quiet in the office, in the shower or before bed. I was loaned an excellent book recently called The 5-minute Meditator by Eric Harrison, which talked about ways to incorporate more meditation into daily life. I will keep striving for more yoga and meditation, less TV and internet time.

Water – I have accomplished this one. I am drinking at least 1.5L a day, often more. I will try to keep this up. Although I haven't noticed any miraculous benefits, I'm probably healthier for it.

Topomax – I am almost totally weaned off Topomax, but not onto herbal alternatives. Based on the past few months of horrific, regular migraines and my resulting inability to cope, I am going onto a new drug, Sandomigran. In the two weeks I've been on it, it hasn't cured my migraines, but they have eased. I can still raise the dose if I need to and my neurologist assures me there are other things we can try if this one doesn't work.

Alternative treatments – I've tried two and a half new ones by my count.
Regular acupuncture: Acupuncture with a chiropractic adjustment seems to help keep things loose and working properly, especially around the time of my period. Weekly acupuncture was a nice, little, relaxing treatment on a Friday night, but it didn't seem to do anything about the relentless migraine spiral I was in. It's too expensive to keep up without major benefits on the migraine front.

The elimination diet: It had no effect whatsoever unless you count the general cleanse. I learned some new recipes, tried some new foods and am more aware of preservatives, sulphites and other similar baddies in processed foods. In terms of migraines, there was no change.

Kinesiology: I'm in the process of trying Kinesiology to get to the root of my chronic migraine problems. I'll post more about this later, but for the moment I'll say that the treatment sessions are a bit unusual, but my practitioner makes some interesting points about trauma manifesting in the body, suppression of anger and other emotions, and depressive tendencies which I can see in myself.

'All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.' – Charles M. Schulz

I'm doing two things this week which will hopefully help the frequency and severity of my migraines. However, the fact that I'm doing anything different does indicate that I still want control over them despite starting to come to terms with the chronic, unending, incurable nature of them.

Firstly, I'm starting an Elimination Diet today (this is a link to a helpful website, and here's another one) to see if there are any foods I have been avoiding that I could be eating and any that I should now be avoiding. It's been about seven and a half years since I was diagnosed with chronic migraines and first did an elimination diet. At that time I found it really difficult and stressful – all the meals I made were bland and repetitive, I lost lots of weight and had low energy, and I started cheating ('reintroducing' foods like chocolate) earlier than I was supposed to.

This time I have spent almost a week thinking about why I'm doing it, figuring out what didn't work last time, making contingency plans and devising many meal options. I'm doing it because I'm sick of feeling like crap; I don't know if an elimination diet cleanse will help, but I'm hopeful. What didn't work last time was that I didn't have any treats so my sweet-tooth and lack of will power meant I cheated with chocolate. This time I have a list of things I'm still allowed, and have splurged on some nice tea, fancy vegetable chips, fresh herbs for extra flavour and fresh fruit juice plus I have frozen berries for desserts. Finally, I've figured out that I can still make lots of meals with only minor alterations – risotto because I don't use cream and butter anyway, I'll do without cheese this time; veggie stir-fry without capsicum; red Thai curry with minor adjustments; quinoa salad; yam lasagne without the tomato sauce and cheese might be ok; homemade sushi rolls without the soy sauce or mayonnaise and the list goes on. They won't all be brilliant, but they will be better than the unflavoured rice and two steamed veggies I was subsisting on last time I did the elimination diet.

Secondly, this week I'm going to see my neurologist to see what he suggests I do about medications. I don't want to stay on Topomax unless he can assure me that being sick with various colds, infections and tummy bugs for the past eighteen months is not a side-effect. Also, ideally I would be on something less serious, but given how poorly I have been coping the last few weeks on a lowered dose (2+ migraines a week, missing weddings and other social engagements, barely being able to think straight sometimes at work, sleeping or in pain while at home spending 'quality time' with my husband etc.) I may just have to accept whatever will make life manageable again. I need to keep reminding myself: treatment plan not a cure. If I find a medication to go with the love and chocolate, I'll stick with that because the alternative is not a life I can live.