I am almost off the Topomax – down to a half pill per day. But I am having doubts about whether I can cope without it. That makes me sound like an addict, which gives me another reason for not wanting to be on daily pharmaceuticals. The self-doubting voice in my head is picking up on every 'off' moment and headache. It's asking me if I'm feeling like this now, how will I feel when I'm fully off the medication. And the most telling moment came this morning. When I was about to cut my pill in half, I caught myself thinking: it would just be easier to take the whole thing, one pill is still better than the two I was on before, and I would probably feel better over time with the help of Topomax.
I didn't really expect to have to deal with mind games as well as potential migraine symptoms when I went off the medication. I don't remember this sort of thing, or not to this degree, when I went of daily beta-blockers or other chronic migraine medications. Perhaps I've just blocked it out and moved on. I'm hoping it's helpful to record these mental struggles here so that in the future I (and others?) are wary of the wider implications of these medications. Also if I read, in black and white, things like this morning's inner dialogue, hopefully will give me the motivation to continue toward alternatives to pharmaceuticals.
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