'We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world.' – Helen Keller

It's been about three weeks since my last migraine and, although I'm very grateful and relieved the flare-up is over, I worry. The vigilance each day about the naturalness of what I eat and how much water I drink is waning. I guess it's natural that you can't stay on alert all the time, do calculations of consumption every hour. Preservative-ridden convenience foods are quicker to make when I'm hungry and tired from work. Chocolate and bread are delicious and it's draining to constantly resist. It makes me worry, though, that I'll inadvertently do something to trigger the next migraine – or more precisely the next cycle of constant migraines. I know I could probably handle one migraine, but I don't really believe that they will come singly again.

I've experienced this dread and doubt before: after other flare-ups, when recovering from depression, when dealing with PTSD-related flashbacks. I have to remind myself that I'm stronger than I think. I have control over what I eat and drink, and can mitigate that trigger at least.

Sometimes I forget or downplay how big an impact the last few months have had. In an effort to be tough, not a whinger, I push aside classifications of 'serious' or 'traumatic' to describe this chronic migraine flare-up. They sound like over-dramatic, self-pitying labels.

Regardless of how I think about the early half of this year, I am glad to be moving on, but I also need to be kind, gentle, with myself – both about my waning hyper-vigilance and about the remaining emotional fall-out.