'To cast in it with chronic migraine was to die a thousand interests and aspirations.' – The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson

I had a realisation yesterday, which I need to record before I forget it – especially since it came to me in the post-drome phase. It occurred to me that I've been wasting my time and deluding myself by searching for a cure for my chronic migraines. I need to actually accept a long-term, healthy management strategy.

I should have realised this before because it's been years that I've had migraines. I've done the reading and know that we're not that close to understanding them let alone curing them. But this is why I go on a medication or treatment plan, feel well and have them under control for a year or so, then go off my meds. I've deluded myself into thinking the medication cured me and then I'd be ok without it. Now that I say it, it seems so obvious how dumb (naively optimistic?) I was being.

Have other migraine suffers realised this? Why don't doctors tell us the difference between cure and management? Maybe my various doctors, somewhere along the line, did say this or maybe they thought it was clear.

I am a little worried that there will be a (strong) emotional backlash when it actually, properly sinks in that I will never get rid of my migraines. The best I can hope for is an effective, ongoing treatment with few side effects. That's depressing, especially since this week's migraine caused me such anger and frustration at Migraines.

I read a book about managing chronic illness several years ago and I think it talked about some of this. The mental shift from illness-sufferer to chronic-sufferer with no hope of cure is a big one and can be very emotional. Maybe that's why I was shielding myself from it all these years.

My initial plan, when starting this blog, was to not only explore migraines and literature in an attempt to make things more humourous and manageable for myself. I was also going to go off the anti-epileptic medication and live a naturalistic, idealised life migraine-free without harsh pharmaceuticals. Part of my realisation is that, that is probably never going to happen. ('Not until you have a brain transplant,' my husband said wryly at dinner last night.)

I guess the take away is: migraines suck and always will so I need to learn (again/still) to live as best I can with them. Finding humour where it isn't obvious seems like a decent strategy at the moment (thanks husband).