'To cast in it with chronic migraine was to die a thousand interests and aspirations.' – The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson

I had a realisation yesterday, which I need to record before I forget it – especially since it came to me in the post-drome phase. It occurred to me that I've been wasting my time and deluding myself by searching for a cure for my chronic migraines. I need to actually accept a long-term, healthy management strategy.

I should have realised this before because it's been years that I've had migraines. I've done the reading and know that we're not that close to understanding them let alone curing them. But this is why I go on a medication or treatment plan, feel well and have them under control for a year or so, then go off my meds. I've deluded myself into thinking the medication cured me and then I'd be ok without it. Now that I say it, it seems so obvious how dumb (naively optimistic?) I was being.

Have other migraine suffers realised this? Why don't doctors tell us the difference between cure and management? Maybe my various doctors, somewhere along the line, did say this or maybe they thought it was clear.

I am a little worried that there will be a (strong) emotional backlash when it actually, properly sinks in that I will never get rid of my migraines. The best I can hope for is an effective, ongoing treatment with few side effects. That's depressing, especially since this week's migraine caused me such anger and frustration at Migraines.

I read a book about managing chronic illness several years ago and I think it talked about some of this. The mental shift from illness-sufferer to chronic-sufferer with no hope of cure is a big one and can be very emotional. Maybe that's why I was shielding myself from it all these years.

My initial plan, when starting this blog, was to not only explore migraines and literature in an attempt to make things more humourous and manageable for myself. I was also going to go off the anti-epileptic medication and live a naturalistic, idealised life migraine-free without harsh pharmaceuticals. Part of my realisation is that, that is probably never going to happen. ('Not until you have a brain transplant,' my husband said wryly at dinner last night.)

I guess the take away is: migraines suck and always will so I need to learn (again/still) to live as best I can with them. Finding humour where it isn't obvious seems like a decent strategy at the moment (thanks husband).

'To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer or a migraine.' – Farmers' Almanac, 1978

I get a lightheaded, cross-eyed feeling after I've been looking at a computer, TV or phone screen for too long. My head seems to buzz and I often feel overwhelmed or anxious. I put all this aside as my own, unique issue and totally manageable (i.e. ignorable). Then, last week I answered a survey about my smartphone and social media usage.

Do you check into social media within five minutes of waking up? Yes. Do you sleep with your phone beside your bed? Yes. Do you use your phone in the middle of the night when you can't sleep? Yes. 

These and other questions made me think perhaps I was becoming addicted to (or at least too reliant on) my phone and the time-wasting qualities of social media. So for the past week I've avoided Facebook and Twitter. I've only used my phone as a phone (and very occasionally as a music player and weather station). It's been good: my head doesn't hurt as often, I've been more aware of how much mindless TV I watch too and reduced that, and I've done some research into migraines and screen time.

I found this Migraine Triggers fact sheet, which talks about a "threshold" rather than "causes" per se. It's a perspective that makes sense, but that I hadn't thought about before. However, now that I read it, it sounds like something my chiropractor has said – perhaps while I had a migraine so I didn't take it in.

This Migraines and Your Job article had some useful reminders which I've heard before, but it helps to be told again. As does this one: Is Working At My Computer Causing My Headaches?. They talk about glare off the screen and from the overhead lights. Also I am reminded that posture is important for reducing neck, back and shoulder tension, which unchecked lead to migraines.

Now I know that 1) I am not alone in feeling the negative effects of staring at a screen, 2) those effects could be contributing to my migraines and 3) I can give up superfluous use of screens without dire consequences. It just remains to figure out how to balance my writing, work and leisure needs against migraine prevention.

'All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me migraine-free.' – Spike Milligan

People fantasise about what they would do if they won millions of dollars. From a migraineur's point of view, there are several things I would do:
- not worry about the cost of alternative treatments (Maybe I'd even see my acupuncturist once a week!)
- try some of the more unusual migraine cures (I'm currently stopped because budget outweighs the perceived likelihood of results.)
- fly first or business class whenever I travelled (I'm sure leg room, nice food and the ability to lie flat would lessen the post-travel migraine.)
- set up (or donate to if one already exists) a foundation to fund research into a cure/more effective treatments (We could all use a real solution to migraines sooner rather than later.)